Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Sharpies!

The shoulder, the forearm, the rear, and the belly.  What do all of these body parts have in common, you might ask?  Well I shall tell you.  These are the angry body parts of a man, a proud man who laughs at pain and makes suffering his chambermaid.  The parts of that Man's man that, for some unknown reason, were viciously perforated with none other than a malicious mechanism of murderous mal-intent.  Oh yes, such an instrument is nothing to be trifled with in the hands of the one.  As he/she looks at you, you think "I didn't sign up for this"...but then you realize that you actually did sign up for this.  In fact, you paid a fortune for it.  That unmistakeably devilish look in a first year medical student's eyes when they finally get the chance to inflict pain.  The look that says "this is going to hurt you way more than in hurts me".  Yes, I was the victim of such cruelty and masochism today.  As the needle ripped through flesh to deliver that fluid spawned from the fiery pits of hell itself (saline solution, actually very harmless and really no stinging.  I'm just being dramatic) a single tear fell from my eye as if to scream "WHY,  OH WHY ME?"  "WHAT have i DONE to deserve SUCH CRUELTY?". 

But wait, what light through yonder window breaks?  It is the East, and revenge...sweet revenge is the sun.  For, in the moment of suffering behind the recently closed door of the padded room of Injections 101, a window opens, and the shimmering light of triumph beams in ever so brightly!  For behold, my perforated parts would soon be avenged!  "My how the tables have turned", for it was my turn, and oh how sweet was that turning".  I could feel the excitement swell up inside me.  That nervous excitement, the kind you feel while going 100 mph on the freeway without getting pulled over, cuz you know it's bad but it's oh so fun (not that I've ever done that... I'm just saying).  Anyway, it was exciting.  I could feel the skin tighten as if to say "No way man!" only to give way to the exquisite sharpness that was the needle.  I removed the needle thinking that my purpose had been served and revenge was mine....only to hear, "Good job, that didn't even hurt at all."  Such painful words.  Betrayed once again, I was.

Ok, some of that may have been exaggerated a little bit,  but the concept is true.  We finally got to play with needles today!  You would be amazed at how many students had issues with needles.  Well, maybe you wouldn't if you have a problem with needles.  I guess I should say I was amazed at how many students had issues with needles.  We got through it successfully though.  13 weeks in, and I think I'm realizing just how much I've learned...and how much I still have to learn before I get to call myself a doctor.  Anyway, back to studying!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

This just in, I have a test tomorrow!!

This study break is brought to you by "Diet Dr. Pepper.  It really does taste more like regular Dr. Pepper", and Necrosis.  Are you tired of having all of that "Healthy Tissue" on your insides?  Does the fact that your organs are functioning optimally ever get you down?  Well have we got the solution for you!  Introducing the new and improved Necrosis!  This recently reformulated formulation comes in several varieties and flavors to fit your necrotic needs.  But that's not all, if you call within the next 5 minutes, we'll throw in a viral infection and suppressed immune system for only 59.99 plus shipping and handling.  Necrosis, it's what healthy tissues get when they are just plain sick and tired of being healthy!  We now return you to your regularly scheduled study time!